The sound of a broken heart

It takes ages to find the person with whom you fall in love with.

And hardly takes a moment to fall in love, once you know that she is the girl.

Then, time stops to play any role in your life. Because, each moment you are drenched in love that you stop counting the moments.

One day, you wake up to realize that you have drowned too deep, and the world is out there under the warmth of the sun.

That day, the day when you have to leave the magical kingdom of love and start your journey into wildness, you wait at the fence wondering why is that I need to keep going,  Can’t I just end everything here, in this happiness.

But, life exists there, in the jungle and we have to spread this magic there.

I had been in love before. I loved the universe in its entirety. I have empathised with all its children. I wept for their sorrow.  I found my joy in their cheers.

Once I fell for you, I became mad, I lost all my rationality. You became my only world. I cried if you gave me pain; and I laughed if you gave me happiness. The happiness you gave me was much intense than what I had experienced in my life earlier. So was the pain.

The love that was cultivated in my garden for years has been harvested and feed to you. It was a over grown crop and must have suffocated you. This brought problems for you as well as me. The problems you faced are well known to you and can be imagined by me, to a partial extent.

I had a well defined life. I have founded my philosophy in Universal Love and, built my frame-work of thoughts and walls of actions on this foundation. But, as it turned out, the Love that I was to share with the Universe became an exclusive property of yours. That was the start of all the chaos. I channelized this love towards you, leaving my life’s belief systems under the sun. My philosophy showed cracks, I started to question myself, I lost my morale, fear started to take hold of me, before I could realize, I was in a big mess.

I began to examine what had happened to me. “Why was I lost again?”

Love was supposed to integrate myself with the universe. But, I had made it exclusive.
Love was supposed to sublimate the self. But, I expected gratification, which aggrandized the self.
Love was supposed to empty desires. But, I got addicted to pleasure and always hoped for more.

This is not Love at all. It is not even close to the way I had known Love before. It was some feeling which was over-romanticised by me and, which I wrongly labelled as love.

I will tell you what I know Lucy. The only one of its kind, which should be called Love is the Love which integrates you with the eternal and leads you to freedom.

Nothing else can be called Love. Though I knew this, Time has made a fool of me and I deceived myself in the name of love.

Now, I am at peace again. Back to my true love. The Universal Love.

I know that I cannot be forgiven for taking you through this. But, I hope one day you will find true love and forgive all the sinners.

I shall always pray for your happiness.

Copyright/Author: Rohit Gaddam
Author’s Blog

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